If anything is stressing me out right now, it would by son at the moment. First, he threw a fit last weekend so in retaliation of me giving him an order to, "clean your room", he decides to destroy it instead. For over a week, his room was a wreck. When he returned from his dad's house, I told him to clean it. He said, "okay." Then he came to my room and said, "I'm tired." He finds every way possible to avoid cleaning up the mess he causes. He fell asleep. I thought to myself, "I will take advantage of him being asleep to clean his room." I then cleaned it. I knew that it didn't give him this sense of accomplishment, I don't think he ever will. He is only 3 years old, however. I hear that he can clean up his messes at daycare. Although that happens, I cleaned up his room anyways. When he woke up, I then explained to him that he can't throw temper tantrums like that. Everything was fine until today. He went to his room to "play" and ended up destroying it again. I am beyond furious with him at this point. I told him that he wouldn't get any lunch until he cleaned up the room. At some point while I was doing the dishes, he decides to stop cleaning and to turn on the heat to the thermostat. While I was cleaning, I was confused as to why the house felt warm. I thought that maybe the air conditioning was trying too hard to cool down since it is 90 degrees outside. I kept cleaning. I then took out the trash and from the corner of my eye, I saw the thermostat set to 77. I quickly went over to change it back to 69 and then I saw the heat switch was also on. I then found Parker in his room playing instead of cleaning. Is it safe to say, "I quit." I AM JUST KIDDING. I am just so stressed out by his actions. Lyndell and I have talked about getting him seen by a behavior specialist at some point. Each person either says that he is too young or that they are booked due to COVID-19. All I know is that he is becoming more of a headache than ever. I don't want to quit as a mom but sometimes, I feel like I am not doing enough as a mom. Does anyone feel that way? I hope that I am not the only one. If Parker does have a form of ADHD or bipolar disorder, what do I do? I have had to learn and cope with the behaviors that he has now, I can't imagine them getting worse. That's right. I do think of the negative things because right now, I feel as if I am being punished. He isn't a bad kid...we all know this. I just don't understand why he does things to upset me, knowing the consequences. Parker is definitely a smart one. He knows right from wrong. He just tests me at every angle. Why is this? If your child does this, let me know. Walmart Experience Just yesterday, we were at Walmart getting some cleaning supplies. During shopping trips, I allow Parker to use my phone to watch his shows. It keeps him occupied enough so I can quickly grab some supplies. Anyways, we get up to the self-checkout. I then took my phone because I keep my card in the case. He was upset and started to yell. He then said, "give me my phone or I will kill you." I was so shocked as to what he said, that I wasn't sure how to react. I just quickly finished up checking out and then walked rather fast out to the car. I could feel the anger build up as well as the tears wanting to fall down my face. Have I failed as a mother? What would possess my son into saying something like that? I don't want to raise a disobedient child. I never imagined Parker saying something like this. This is why I feel like quitting but I am not going to do it. I just have to gather myself and figure out another way to communicate with my son. I talked to Lyndell about it to warn him that Parker will most likely say this again. He and I agreed that he most likely said this without understanding the meaning of it. The likelihood of him saying it again is rare. I just needed Lyndell to know that he is capable of saying it. I am not sure where he learned this saying from but now I am worried that maybe the shows he watches aren't as good for him as I thought. He watches shows that are for children. It doesn't make any sense to me. Those that have kids, are you worried about the shows they watch? Do you think they have influence on the actions they take? Let me know. That is all for now, thanks for reading. “If every mother…could wrap her mind around her true value as a woman and mother, her life would never be the same. We would wake up every morning excited for the day rather than feeling as though we’d been hit by a truck during the night. We would talk differently to our kids, fret less about our husbands’ annoying habits, and speak with greater tenderness and clarity. We would find more contentment in our relationships, let mean remarks roll off our backs, and leave work feeling confident in the job we performed.” – Meg Meeker “There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one.” –Jill Churchill
0 Comments
Ever have that moment where you zone out completely? I had that moment yesterday when driving home. I was so overwhelmed with what happened at work that I picked up Parker from daycare, stopped to get a milkshake, and then drove home in "Zombie" mode. Something about drinking a milkshake when stressed soothes me. It helps me to just get my mind off of whatever is stressing me out. I haven't had a good outlet to get rid of stress due to COVID-19 ruining my favorite one...Jiu Jitsu. I loved it so much. I understand that the place I was going to closed down because business wasn't much when COVID-19 hit. It just sucks because it was the only place where I could release all of my anger or whatever out. Plus, I was able to get a good workout too. So, how do you all cope with stress? How do you manage work and stress? Any tips or tricks are appreciated because I need to figure something out. When I feel zoned out, I just want to be left alone. I know that isn't good when trying to take care of your child but it is the truth. Is this depression? I am just curious. Anyways, I do snap out of it once I get home. It is like I need to decompress any negative thoughts before I can be myself again. I listen to music and I just listen to Parker. We dance sometimes in the car too. Does anyone do that? Just zone out when driving? What normally causes you to zone out? I am normally a positive person and I normally don't take work home. I just need to zone out to stay sane, I guess. Working in a prison isn't easy...at all. Depending on what goes on, it can take a toll on your mind and body. I love my job still, I just am realizing that if I want to go up in rank ,(Sergeant, Lieutenant, etc), then I am going to have to sacrifice more than expected. Parker will be going to school soon and Lyndell still lives so far away. I am not sure what I want to do. If I choose to go up right now, I will basically have to have Parker live with Lyndell. I don't think it is fair. I don't want to quit my job to do what I want to do. It is almost like Lyndell will have "won" this battle. He didn't have to experience any of the hardships that I had to with Parker as a baby and now, he has an entirely new family with the woman he cheated on me with. If I make it to where Parker lives with him then he wins. Does this make sense? Lyndell has taken a lot from me and I just don't want him to take Parker too. This co parenting deal seems to put a lot more stress on me than work does. Any single parents experience this? Let me know. Thanks everyone for letting me vent for a bit. That is all for now. Hope your day went well. Stay as positive as you can because life is filled with so much negativity. Don't let life bring you down. If I am trying, you can too. "Nobody can make you to feel inferior without your consent." – Eleanor Roosevelt
"Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning how to dance in the rain." – Vivian Greene It has been brought to my attention the time away that I have taken from this blog...I can't believe it. I am trying to have the motivation to do the things that I did before getting a job at a prison. It is hard because the stress is slowly starting to sneak on me. During COVID-19 last year, my Jiu-Jitsu class ended. The family that ran it ended up moving earlier this year. I haven't had the outlet that I had before COVID-19. The stress is unreal, however. I am not sure how to be motivated at this point. Know of any tips or tricks? Be sure to let me know, I might have to try them out. I am doing my best to be a better mom throughout this stressful time, so that works. I am less in a shouting match with Parker and more with being a "time to learn this son" kind of mom. That's a plus, right? I would assume so. I need to treat this blog as more of a diary so that I can be more involved with you all (anyone that actually reads this) and with myself. I need to see the changes that happen with me so that I can believe that I have changed overall as a person. That's enough about me, let's talk about Parker. Parker time.
Oh gosh, he is almost 4 years old. Time needs to slow down yet he still isn't quite potty trained...speed up for that at least! Parker is at a point right now where he can wear a diaper for a long period of time without having an accident. The only issue is that now he is dependent on wearing the diaper. He is also struggling to not make a mess in bed. So yes, he still sleeps with me. I can't help but cave into it. I can't stand him screaming all night long because he has to sleep in his own bed. Again, any tips or tricks? Let me know as I am in dire need of them. He is definitely a "Momma's Boy." On another note, Lyndell and I have been getting along more and more. That is quite the refresher I needed, to be honest. I never imagined we would get to this point after we broke up. I was definitely hurt during the entire process. I am over the fact that we aren't together but now it is time for him to understand that he needs to move closer to his kids. He can't have his cake and eat it to, if you know what I mean. He lives almost 2 hours away from his daughter and over an hour away from his son. It would just make sense to move closer, don't you think? Anyways, we are still in that topic of discussion every time I pick Parker up from his house. I know he doesn't like it but Parker will be starting school soon. It's time to discuss new arrangements for when that time comes. Moving on...Parker has been challenging me when it comes to me giving him orders. By orders I mean that I tell him to, "clean your room" and he says, "okay" but then it doesn't get done. I then tell him again and he tries to hug me or kiss me to distract me from what I just told him. Clever but not too clever. Again, I am refraining from yelling at him as I don't want to be that person but this is hard...really hard. At least, he is at a point right now where he can speak clear sentences and express his emotions. That is all I ask when talking to him at this point. It's just so I know that he understands what is being talking about. That is all for now, I hope you all enjoy. If you don't, I am sorry. I am just not as interesting right now. Have a good day though! Hello everyone! How are you doing? Everything for me so far is going as well as you could possibly imagine it to be. I am still a "single pringle" 😂 and just trying to do the mom thing while the COVID-19 is still around. You are probably curious as to why I titled the post the way I did...I officially had my firearms board interview on Monday this week. What that means is that I will be trained to use weapons that I will potentially be carrying inside the prison, if I make it through. Yesterday, I was informed that I "killed it" and "was the best that they have seen in a long time." So with that being said, I am pretty sure that I will be moving on the the next round! Haha...no pun intended.
Updates on my baby ❤️️ Parker is a very interesting little boy. One day, he was laying in bed with me and he said, "mommy I hungry." I immediately said, "you already ate and it is bedtime." Keep in mind, it was 11 pm. He then asked, "mommy, are you hungry?" I replied, "no" and then he grabbed my face and asked, "are you sure?" I was laughing so hard. I then said, "it is time for bed, go to sleep. Goodnight." He is so crazy!! I love him so much 💞 Anyways, found out that he could be allergic to mosquitoes. Not sure how that can be but I looked it up and it is rare. He was getting bit by them a couple of weeks ago at daycare and the bites just swelled up pretty big. It was definitely sad for me to see him like that. So, for right now he has spots on his face and along his arms that don't look to be going away anytime soon. All I can do is make sure he has insect repellent by him, I guess. In other news, he is starting to listen more rather than annoying me all damn day 😂 We are still in the potty training phase at the moment. I just hope that he will be potty trained before the beginning of next year. This phase sucks!! What I have been thinking about I haven't been posting videos on my YouTube channel like I mentioned before. Time to do it hasn't been the best. I have been busy and I am trying to work on potentially becoming Sergeant at the prison. I have to gain more knowledge by allowing more time to go by before jumping the gun on taking a position like that. Anyways, the videos might be more of me giving advice or even just doing little videos of Parker and I together. I am not sure but I am going to try to do more podcast episodes which will end up on my channel as well. I just have to figure out how to balance more time to do all of it. Parker is a handful but I am also becoming a bit of a slacker...my bad. I will get back into the swing of things soon. I just need more time! I promise 😀 That is it for now. Hope you all have a good day! 😄 By now, you have most likely have heard of the Covid-19, right? It is a virus that is spreading like wildfire. It is definitely one to remember. I know that we all should be safe wearing masks, gloves, using hand sanitizer, etc., but don't go out in public to complain to restaurant employees just trying to make it by. They are taking precautions just as much as we all are. If you are so worried about catching the virus, then stay home as suggested by EVERYONE.
I recently shared a video on my Facebook page where an elderly woman went through a drive-thru and started to yell at staff about them not being properly equipped to handle food, etc. As I am watching this video, the woman doesn't have on gloves or a mask! How can you get upset with staff if you are not taking precautions yourself? This virus is making people stupid...there, I said it. It is now giving more individuals more of an opportunity to post to social media with loud outbursts, arguing for no reason, etc. Why??? I don't get it. This virus is serious but those with the virus are healing. Granted, there have been many who have lost their lives to this, I am not discrediting that but if we have people who are making it through it then there is a possibility that we all could. A premature baby had it and is making progress getting through it. Covid-19 is a deadly virus and should be taken seriously. My thing is that it shouldn't take a virus breakout to get you to clean your home or to actually take care of yourself. We should do this always. I have a little boy that I have to protect. I am now required to have him wear a mask at daycare...not sure how long that will last but it is in his best interest to do it. Even after the virus breakout has simmered down, those who get sick (even with a cold) should wear a mask until they are better. I really hope something like this doesn't happen again. People all over the country have lost their job to the virus and are truly struggling. Give thanks to those whose job is required regardless of an outbreak. I am doing the best I can and pray that those who have it recover quickly. I am not sure how much longer those in quarantine will make it before we start hearing about mental breakdowns. This virus could potentially cause someone to do harm to themselves. So far, the year 2020 hasn't shed any light towards anything positive. Let's hope that in time, something good will happen. As far as I am concerned, this year needs to be over with. What about you? Looking back at my last post, I haven't made one since August of last year!! 😧 That just goes to show that time really does fly...Anyways, I have been pretty busy. Since my last post, I lost the job that I bragged on and on about. I was let go for reasons unknown. I guess they got what they wanted out of me and that was it 😒 I was told by my boss that "the recruitment budget is my salary." This told me that I was replaceable at any given moment so the work environment started to become more hostile than expected. Won't speak anything else on the matter because what is done is done. Moving forward. I do have a new job. As crazy as it sounds, I am now a Correctional Officer in a prison. You are probably curious as to what it is like...right? Let's just say that the facility that I am working at isn't as brutal and scary as most. My job consists of making sure everyone is safe and secured at all times. That's it. Are you afraid of getting hurt there? There is always a part of me that will always have some fear of something bad happening but that is what I signed up for. Someone has to make sure criminals are kept safe and secured from the public. At any given moment, there could be a stabbing or overdose but how is that different from out in the real world? I could walk outside and get hit by a car but that idea shouldn't keep me from getting my mail or attempting to go to the store. We take chances daily and so this job isn't any different other than the fact that these men (I work in a male facility btw) make the choices they do because that is all they know. Another part of my job is for me to encourage positive behavior for successful re-entry back into society. I do what I can and I love it. I am pretty good at my job, at least I think I am 😂 How is Parker doing? Parker is doing great, however. He is more of a devilish child than before 😥 His terrible two's is showing daily and it is only getting worse. You can tell he is definitely my kid though. His attitude is exactly mine...my bad 🤷♀️ I can only hope that it gets better. Other than that, his verbal skills are improving extremely. He is able to figure so much out in so little time. You have to watch out though, he is becoming a master manipulator 🤨 His little outbursts are becoming more dramatic and he is starting to pretend to cry to get what he wants. Luckily for him, it won't work on me. On other people, it seems to do the trick. He is something for sure...I love him to death ❤️ Is your relationship still going strong? Unfortunately, I had to end the relationship towards the end of February of this year. The connection was lost and I just don't think he was into a relationship with a kid in the mix. Some men just can't handle it and that is okay. I will not speak of him negatively because he is a good guy, just needs someone else to make him happy. I am single again but I am happy. Only time will tell if I will end up with someone again.
Well, that is it for now. I will try to do better in writing more. The past couple of months have been big for me. I finally moved out! I was able to rent the place mentioned in the previous post. Overall, moving out has been such a relief. I can now have a place that I can truly call my own...that is until I am able to afford a house. Who knows when that will be but it is good to dream. Other than moving out, what have I been up to? I would have never pictured me participating in a martial arts class. Yes, I said it. I go to Trounce Martial Arts Fitness. I'm challenging my body mentally and physically to focus not only on losing weight but to focus on what I want out of life. Participating in this group is eye opening, for sure. You don't know what you can do until you toughen up and go for it. The owners of this fitness group are absolutely amazing. They have helped me overcome the fear of falling onto the mat, they keep pushing me to my limits so that I can see that I can do anything that I set my mind to as well as just being supportive.👼 At first, I scared to try something so new and physically challenging. My muscles were so sore at my first practice that I thought of giving up because I was so used to not doing anything for so long. I still participate in Zumba classes but on my off days, I would do nothing but go home to "relax." As I went home after my first practice, I looked at myself in the mirror. I saw who I didn't want to be anymore. The weight gain had gone too far and I wasn't happy. I told myself, "If you don't continue doing this, you will always be the one giving up. You had a reason as to why you wanted to try something like this. Keep going." As odd as it is, this little pep talk worked. From then on, I continued to go to practices. My first tournament is September 21, 2019. Not only is my first tournament coming up but I was also rewarded two stripes on my white belt. I am determined to become a purple belt. After that, I will have a goal of becoming a black belt in Gracie Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. I wouldn't have been able to get this far if it hadn't been for Kate, Christinia and Tearion. With their support, I am able to find happiness again because I am working towards something rather than expecting something to happen to me. I'm not just doing this for me, however. Parker is the reason for all that I do. I want him to see that mommy can be strong, support the both of us and most importantly, be happy. I'm heavily considering putting him through classes once he reaches a certain age. He is part of the Trounce family too! I absolutely love this place❤️ So, if you want to change your life to better yourself, take advantage of Trounce Martial Art Fitness. Don't just go by my word, check it out for yourself. What else has been going on? Parker is slowly but surely going to the potty. So far, he still just likes to sit on the toilet but he has peed once or twice for me :P It's PROGRESS!! 🙌🏻 He is growing so fast. Parker isn't 2 years old but he acts like he is. Unfortunately, he is in the terrible 2 phase. His temper tantrums are quite frustrating for sure but I know that they will pass...eventually. There is also a good side to him too, 😂 He helps me clean the house. Parker gets upset if I don't let him wipe down the table or let him sweep the floor. To my amazement, he is actually good at both. Of course, I do have to go over the areas just in case he missed a few spots. Overall, Parker is a well-behaved little boy. I must be doing something right :)
I can't express enough how much I love to be a mom to my beautiful boy :) This year is my second time celebrating Mother's Day. I can't believe how much we have gone through together to get to where we are today, just being happy. I will inform everyone that I did find a place to live in and I am officially moved in completely. I am so excited to go through this new journey with my son. It has been ultimately rough for me these past couple of years. I am thankful for everyone who has been on my side through everything. It has not been easy for me but now, I am going to conquer the world with Parker by my side. Looking at him today made me cry both in sadness and joy. Emotionally, I have been through a roller coaster. He hasn't made it easy on me but even when things weren't good with me, his smile put all of my worries away. I enjoy being a mom. I want him to have everything his little heart desires (with some limitations if what he wants is too expensive :P). I took advantage of the weekend without Parker to go to a Charity event which happened to be AMAZING! The event was Zumba but it was to raise money for children in the community. I had a blast! I am so sore but that's a good thing, right? :P Next year, I hope to be one of the Zumba instructors. I have a lot of hard work to do but I believe that I can achieve that goal. I love, love, love Zumba. It is what motivates me to workout and get into shape. I have lost several inches in my waist. It doesn't seem like it right now but I have. Parker loves Zumba too! He even "teaches" the Zumba classes that I go to. He dances to the music and loves it when people follow him. I love seeing him so happy. Mother's Day is also the day that I do show my own mom that I love her. She dislikes the fact that I spent any money on her but appreciates the thought behind each gift. Her response always is, "You didn't have to do that. You should be saving your money, not spending it on me. I appreciate it, though." I choose not to listen to her because she deserves more than the gifts that I buy. She has been my rock throughout my life. I love her so much! I hope that she had a good day today. From what she told me was that she stayed at home in her pj's. Doesn't sound bad to me. Sounds like a good day :) I hope that all of the mother's out there today enjoyed their day. Feel blessed by those around you and feel the love they share with you. Enjoy every moment spent with loved ones because time won't ever stop. Make memories that will last a lifetime! “Over the years, I learned so much from Mom. She taught me about the importance of home and history and family and tradition. She also taught me that aging need not mean narrowing the scope of your activities and interests or a diminution of the great pleasures to be had in the everyday.” MARTHA STEWART “My mother taught me about the power of inspiration and courage, and she did it with a strength and a passion that I wish could be bottled.” CARLY FIORINA “A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.” WASHINGTON IRVING “I think in a lot of ways unconditional love is a myth. My mom’s the only reason I know it’s a real thing.” CONOR OBERST As many of you know, time is flying by too fast! I haven't found enough time to really sit myself down to write on this blog. I know that I promised to be more active on here but A LOT has happened. Let me tell you, it has been a roller coaster for sure. There was so much bad news that had me feel numb about everything to good news making me feel very much alive again. FEBRUARY This month is supposed to be filled with love and kindness...right? The answer is yes and no. It's the month of love because of February 14th. Personally, this day is just like any other day. I have never really celebrated it any different. I don't feel as if people should save that day to express their love for one another. You literally have 364 other days in the year to do that as well as the 14th of February. Anyways, this month okay. At least, it was okay up until the end of the month. I had a doctor's appointment because I was pretty sick and my throat was so sore that my coughing sounded as if I had bronchitis. While at this appointment, I also brought up that my heart was constantly racing. It would happen out of nowhere. I would be exercising and my pulse would be as high as 197. At this appointment, they had completed some tests declaring that I didn't have bronchitis. That was a relief. However, I did have to extra testing of my heart. A few days had passed and I was told that the EKG came back stating that I had RBBB. What is this? It is Right Bundle Branch Block. What is meant was that I have a blockage or delay along the pathway where the electrical impulses travel through to make my heart beat. This was beyond scary. I had a breakdown immediately because life was literally flashing in front of me. I kept thinking about what would happen if I was gone. Parker needs me in his life no matter what. My family needs me. Every day, I would just cry thinking about my life and what I would have left behind for everyone. What have I done that my family would be proud of? This heart issue had me stressed out and my anxiety was through the roof. I was lucky that Lyndell took Parker for a week to give me some time to process the news along with having to complete more tests. I had to wait 2 weeks to get my test results of knowing if I really had this heart issue. The EKG readings can be misleading so I had to know for sure if I had it. MARCH It was the 13th of March that I had my cardiologist appointment. This was the BIG time appointment to know if I had this heart issue. Results came back that I didn't have it. The weight on my shoulders lifted off me along with stress and anxiety. My heart rate lowered and I felt as if I could live my life to the fullest again. I am thankful to know that I will live longer because I don't have a heart issue, at all. March is also the month where my podcast started to get noticed once I started interviewing people. I am hoping that I can really get this going. I am more passionate about it now. I even spent some money on a better microphone so that the quality is much better than using my phone. I hope you all take some time to listen to it, let me know your thoughts or suggestions to make it better. All is appreciated :) Parker had his check up at the doctor's office and he has grown 2 3/4 inches since his last check up. My baby is growing so fast! His personality cracks me up. He will have a bad day but once we get in the car, I put on September by Earth, Wind and Fire and he is dancing in his car seat all the way home :) So far, this is his favorite song to listen to. I must be doing something right, right? :P APRIL So far this month, I have been active looking for a place for Parker and I. We need to be on our own now. I looked at some houses and I am not kidding when I say this but there was house with windows barred. The neighborhood was shady and I didn't feel safe. That house was definitely a no go. However, I have found a place that I feel would be best for us. I am just going through the application process at the moment but I do hope to get the place. It is PERFECT for us and I want it so bad. Time will only tell. I will keep all of you updated as much as I can.
Every year, we make resolutions that never seem to stick. However, this year is going to be my year. I am determined to make new changes in my life to better not only myself but Parker as well. As said before, he deserves the world. He deserves to see his mommy be happy with what she has done in her life. The year 2018 was so disappointing. I felt as if I was drowning with trying to balance my work and social life. I told myself that 2018 was going to be my year last year and well....you all know the rest. I don't really feel like repeating what happened. The past is in the past and now I look into my future. “There shall always be that voice that will tell you how you are wasting your time and ability, how you shall fail, how some tried and failed, why your prevailing slips are indications of your future doom, why you are unworthy to dare, why your background mismatches your vision and aspiration, why your personality misfits your mission and how arduous the errand is. You have a choice. You have your thought. You have what burns in you that tells you how you can make it. Though the world may be interested in your success, it is much interested in your slips and mediocrity as-well. Your vision must keep you in your mission. Dare in wisdom. Dare unrelentingly. Ponder!” ― Ernest Agyemang Yeboah Last year, I became vegetarian. Yes, I don't eat meat. Do I keep Parker from meat? No. I want him to be able to make the choice when he is older to either eat meat or not eat it. It isn't right for me to decide for him. It has been hard to go straight from being a meat eater to not being one at all. I've been tempted a lot with the amazing smells of turkey, ham, hamburger, etc. It is really about the seasonings. I have cooked a lot more at home since becoming vegetarian. That in itself is a big improvement towards being healthier. Although I eat a lot of vegetables and fruits, I still have to manage taking vitamins daily. That is a real struggle for me since taking pills every day is not easily remembered. I've literally had to put all the vitamins by my bedside so they are the first things that I take in the mornings. My memory isn't the best at the moment. The stress of work, trying to find a new place to move to, Parker waking me up during the night, etc., is taking a toll on me. Slowly but surely, I am managing my stress in a more positive way. When Parker isn't with me, I get as much sleep as possible and also, I meditate. It might be silly to do it but it does work! According to zenhabits.net, there are some tips and tricks on how to practice mediation.
For year 2019, I am really going to focus on mediating more often. It does help me when I am stressed out. That is one of my goals for this year, mediate more to say sane! Another goal that I have is to improve topics that I talk about in my podcast. Yes, I do have a podcast and I have had several listeners listen to it so far! I am excited. You all can check it out at:
www.anchor.fm/jaclyn-barker.com I am also available on other platforms. The podcast is called Free Reverie. 1. Obviously the Anchor app 2. Apple podcasts 3. Google Podcasts 4. Spotify 5. Breaker 6. Castbox 7. Overcast 8. Pocket Casts 9. RadioPublic I named the podcast Free Reverie because Free is another word for Independent and Reverie is another word for meditation. I started this podcast around February or so last year. I was still trying to find a job and I was bored. I was told that I talk enough so I should just go for it! :P I did and now it is slowly starting to take off. I have some people that I will be interviewing soon! So be on the lookout for that. I will mention that I haven't been so open about the podcast on Facebook because I do have family on there. The podcast is explicit and inappropriate at times. I am getting out of my shell and talking about things that most would be too scared to talk about. The topics range from social media to sex to relationships. I talk about everything! It is just awkward for family to know about my sex life, so I haven't really said anything about it. With that being said, I need to practice what I preach. I explain on my podcast that we all need to be comfortable talking about things that we are most afraid of. It will open our minds and free us from hiding in fear of judgement. Face it, there will always be people who judge us. We just have to do what makes us happy. Who cares about what others think? Right?! I have a son, how do you think that happened in the first place? :P I just want to break out of my shell. Talking about my life is freeing and I enjoy it. If you want to start a podcast, the anchor app is a great way to start. It will distribute your content to other platforms. So, you don't even have to make any effort other than generating content that you think listeners will want to listen to. I honestly couldn't decide on a particular topic because there is so much that I want to talk about. So, I just made the podcast about everything and anything. It is categorized as social and culture, I believe. Anyways, I will say that if this is something you want to do then do it! As for the rest of this year, I plan on doing more Vlogs for my channel. It is the same name as my podcast because I will be distributing some content that is on my podcast to the YouTube Channel. If you want to take a look at it, be my guest. The reason for doing any of this is to spread positive thinking around the world. If we think more positive thoughts then we are bound to have a more positive life. I can't just say that I will be positive, I have to live it. So, I am taking control of what I do. Our society is full of negativity...too much of it, if you ask me. We literally can't do anything without someone being offended or being picked on, etc. With all of this negativity, it is creating a world full of hatred and frustration. I want to make a change, if I can. A small amount of effort, such as starting a podcast or Vlog, could impact the lives of a few people out there. That is just less negativity all around. Like I said, I have to live it not just say it. I hope that you all can take some of my advice and make a more positive impact on your lives so that you can live better and do better. Overall, 2018 has been a roller coaster. A journey that I will never want to go through again. Even though it was terrible, it did provide life lessons that I will carry on with me for my future. I know that I am capable of raising my son on my own, for sure. I will be more aware of my finances so I will never go down the road of humiliation when not being able to pay a bill on time. I will be more attentive towards my health. I can't stand the thought of something happening to me in a way that would leave Parker growing up without a mom. I am not doing this all for Parker though. I am doing it for myself because I deserve to make something of myself. I deserve to have control of my life. I am doing it for me so that way I am happier which, in the long run, will make Parker happier. The year 2019 will be my year. |